I have no idea what made me think I should start running today. I ended last evening with 3 glasses of wine and started my morning with half a pot of coffee and a cigarette. I’m not someone who should be running right now. Nonetheless, here I am. I begin my workout with a quarter mile walk… behind a stroller… so far, so good (although I am certain that my 18 month old son is laughing at me). When I get to the beginning of my one mile route, I pause for a moment: I tell myself I’m just making sure my muscles are loose and I’m ready to go… I’m really making sure none of my neighbors are driving by. I start at what I consider a good pace and, after about 15 feet, decide it’s much too fast. The block I’m planning to run suddenly seems much longer than I anticipated and I decide I’d better slow down. Sadly, I can also acknowledge that I don’t want to finish too fast as it would set the bar too high for my next run… I must allow myself a starting point with room for improvement in order to stay motivated. About a quarter of a mile in I start to think this isn’t such a great idea after all. It’s not that I don’t feel I can do it or even that I’m out of breath. I am realizing, however, that it has been two and a half years since I last ran on a treadmill and more than twelve years since I last ran a competitive race. That was high school. I didn’t smoke or drink and I probably ate a balanced diet. These facts are no longer true. The reasons I should not run a marathon are stacking up in my brain and I decide to change directions and focus on why I should. Those reasons are too few, so I back track a little further and consider what brought me to this decision in the first place. Damn you, Lou Holtz.
Here I am, at the age of 30, coming to the ridiculous conclusion that I should run a marathon. Really?!? Who does this? I suppose I could blame my husband to some degree. He’s the one that suggested I read Lou Holtz’s Winning Every Day. Lou wants us to believe that it’s possible to achieve any goal (sure it is) and suggested making a list of things you want to accomplish during your lifetime. How in the world did ‘run a marathon’ end up at the top?!?
Then again, my husband’s book suggestion didn’t come out of nowhere. It really started back in January when I made the New Year’s resolution to become a better wife. No one actually knows that was my New Year’s resolution. It was my little secret. I instead chose to share more acceptable resolutions that people could understand… ones that I felt could help make me a better wife. One was cleaning. Lord, how I hate cleaning. But my husband is one that really appreciates a clean house. Don’t get me wrong, he does not expect me to keep the house clean… he does an amazing job of that himself. I simply decided that I would play a more active role in the process. This resolution lasted roughly two and a half weeks. Sorry, honey. My second resolution was to deal with the clutter. My husband insinuates that I’m a pack rat. Trust me, I’ve seen the show Hoarders… I am no such thing. I can, however, acknowledge that I may hang on to more than necessary. Thus far, this resolution is actually going quite well and we made several hundred dollars selling a bunch of crap we didn’t use anyway. I’m afraid this one will have to stay with me for the long haul, though. It’s really easy to accumulate junk, so this ‘resolution’ will need to turn into a regular habit. Ugh. It’s my third resolution, however, that really did me in. I decided to read one non-fiction book every month for the entire year. The book had to be something inspiring, motivational or written on a topic that I didn’t know much about. I knew I’d want to read a little on politics – one of my husband’s favorite topics and a subject that I avoid like the plague. I believe the motivational books were meant to help me get through the political ones and the inspirational books were meant to remind me that there are worse things than reading about politics. Surprisingly enough, I actually quite enjoyed the books on politics and, as expected, it resulted in more stimulating conversation with my husband whenever the topic arose. I had assumed that politics would be my toughest subject. Boy, was I wrong.
At the end of June’s non-fiction: Broke, by Glenn Beck, I was completely burned out. I loved the book, but good lord, I needed a break. That’s when Lou’s book was suggested. My husband called it a quick and easy read. Who knew that a book I could read in a week could completely turn my next year upside-down. But, there’s no doubt, it definitely qualified as motivational and inspiring. So much so that I’m out here sweating my ass off convincing myself that I can, indeed, run 26.2 miles.
As I’m nearing the finish line of this seemingly endless run, I look down at my son sitting in his stroller and enjoying the not-so-fast-paced ride and realize what I was missing twelve years ago when I lost interest in running… a reason to stick with it. Sure, staying in shape is always a reason to work out, but I’ve been fairly lucky thus far and have managed to stay near what I consider a healthy weight throughout my twenties without much effort. But in thinking about my son, I realize I want only the best for him… a happy and successful life. I want him to learn what it’s like to work hard and reach a goal. I want him to know that anything is possible. I want him to believe in himself and his dreams. And even though he has no understanding yet of what it is I’m doing, I know that some day he will. And I don’t want to sit back and wait for someone else to teach him these important lessons. I want to be the kind of parent that sets an example for him. And I want him to one day look back at his crazy mom running a marathon and think, hey, if she can do it, so can I.
I reach the corner and take out my cell phone (yes, my cell phone… I refuse to invest any money on this endeavor until I’m certain I’m in it for the duration, which includes the simple things like a stopwatch) and find that, to my astonishment, I’ve run my first mile in 10 minutes. I suppose I could be disappointed in that time. After all, I used to run that distance in about half that time. But today I’m thrilled. I’ve taken my first step. I’ve officially begun this chapter of my life. I’m a runner again.
Of course, I now realize that I’ve got a whole lot of work ahead of me. And, unfortunately, I’m not one to put too much effort into anything. Most new hobbies end before they’ve really begun and this one will require a whole lot of self-discipline. Lou’s book may become a frequent read over the course of the next year. But for now, I’m full of inspiration and the belief that, 20 years after first thinking that this was a goal I would one day strive for, “I can do this”.
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