Friday, January 18, 2013

You can't call it writer's block...

Writer's block would suggest an inability to come up with an idea, a character, a plot... a lack of inspiration.  These are all things I have.  My characters are intriguing, the story line interesting.  I have imagined the smallest details of a New York City apartment, the meager belongings of a man on the run and the quiet surroundings of a cabin in the woods.  I know the physical features of the characters... it's as if I'd known them my entire life... we'd be friends if they actually existed.  Instead, they nag at me from inside my head, wanting me to share their story... or at least try.

What I have is writer's fear... apprehension... anxiety... trepidation.  Of course, I'm not even sure you can call it "writer's" anything when I'm not actually a writer.  I've never written before, have absolutely no education on the subject and have only made the smallest of efforts to put my thoughts to paper.  Within hours of putting something down, the file is deleted, the dream stashed away for another day.  And somehow I still think of myself as a writer. 

I don't know where it came from... it just snuck up on me one day.  The smallest seed planted deep in the back of my brain, watered sparingly and offered little light.  Then suddenly there was an uncontrollable desire to be something I'd never been... my little seed has become an overgrown weed... not entirely unpleasant, but quickly taking over every thought in my head.  And now it's as if I'm cheating myself in some way by not trying.  Is it a fear of failure?  An inability to commit to the work it would require?  It's hard to say.  But either way, it's anything but writer's block.

No comments:

Post a Comment