What kind of parent do I want to be?

I hate that I haven't written anything in so long.  Sadly, whenever I have the time, I find I just don't have much to say.  Who wants to read about my lack of motivation?  My frustrations with a toddler?  My riveting evenings watching tv?  Or, better yet, my ridiculous addiction to Candy Crush Saga?  I'd likely put myself to sleep just writing about it.  But, as much as I love to write, I find it's a heck of a lot easier when I have something to say... something I'm interested in or passionate about.  Or maybe something that's got me thinking.  And this week's social media craziness has really got me thinking...

Between the madness of the VMAs and blogger moms dueling over proper parenting, I find myself questioning my standards.  Which side of the fence do I fall on?  What do I stand for and where do I draw the line?  Unfortunately, I still haven't sorted it out, but maybe getting my thoughts down in writing will help...

So, the VMAs... I doubt there's anyone that missed it.  Whether you watched it live or clicked on one of the million available links to the craziness that is Miley Cyrus, I'm guessing 99% of you have seen it.  If not, here's her complete performance (if that's what we're calling it).

2013 MTV Video Music Awards

Is it weird?  Yes.  Do I get it?  No.  Will this performance cause the downfall of our society?  Highly unlikely.

The truth is, Miley Cyrus is not the role model I would want for my child.  More to the point, I don't know of a single famous person that should be.  I don't understand why we expect famous people to be role models in the first place.  Sure, it would be nice if every person in the public eye had the same moral standards as those of us trying to raise our kids to respect themselves and others and to make good decisions.  But when are we going to learn that 'reality tv' is not reality and that famous people didn't become famous for the sole purpose of raising our children for us?  And who's to say that my moral standards are up to par with those of others?  I'm guessing there are plenty of parents out there that have no interest in me being their child's role model.  But I suppose I get a pass because I'm not making my bad decisions on tv?

Being a blogger myself, I enjoy reading what other people post about... running, parenting, cooking... I like it all.  When friends share links to blogs on social media sites, I have a tendency to read them because I trust the judgment of my friends and have an interest in what they're sharing.  This week two of my friends posted links and, as it turns out, one actually referenced the other.  And not necessarily in a positive light.  I read both and, surprisingly enough, agreed with both of them.  While they made opposing arguments, I found them both incredibly thought provoking.  You should check them out for yourself here...

FYI (if you're a teenage girl)

vs.

It's not a double standard when we start looking past the surface

The first is a model of great parenting.  She talks about monitoring her sons' friends on Facebook based on the kinds of things they post.  For example, girls posting selfies in their bedrooms, scantily clad and attempting to look sexy? They're unfriended immediately.  I read this post and thought "Right on, lady. Way to stay involved in your children's lives."  Now scroll a little further to the comments section.  Holy hell!  But wait... some of these people have a point.  Is there a double-standard here?  Or are we simply being overly sensitive?  How much skin is too much?  Are bathing suit shots okay?  What if they're not 'trying' to look sexy, but happen to look sexy anyway?  Oh geez... it's too much to think about.

The second is also an amazing view on parenting.  If we could really protect our children from everything wrong in this world, I'm pretty sure every parent would do it.  But, like it or not, it's out there.  Our children see it every day.  It's on tv, it's in school, and believe it or not, it's in our neighbors' homes and our own backyards.  All of the craziness in this world is practically knocking on our own front door.  Do we pull the blinds and pretend to not be home?  Or do we invite it in with the hope of teaching our children what not to do?

Scary truth, I don't know the answer.  And, I'm afraid, no else does either.  I often read blogs like these with the hope of keeping myself on the right track when it comes to parenting.  I make mental notes of the things I agree with and completely disregard the things I don't.  I attempt to keep an open mind about things I do not understand.  But all of this feels way over my head and I find myself drowning in parenting advice, suggestions and information.

Thankfully, my son is only three.  While I am very much aware that his teenage years are just around the corner, I need to spend my time focusing on the innocent boy that does not yet recognize differences in skin color and has no concept of sexual preference.  I need to cling to this age where the most intriguing videos on the internet are animated children's songs, the definition of accessorizing is choosing between Captain America's shield and Superman's cape, and the most beautiful girl in the world is still his mommy. 

I have to trust that, as time goes by, I will find a way to work through my insecurities about making the right parenting decisions.  That I will be able to figure out how much information is too much and what kinds of things I must shield my child from seeing.  That I will grow into the kind of parent I want to be (whatever that might mean) and that, when the time comes, I will know exactly how I feel about these kinds of situations. 

For now, all I can take from these bloggers is this: every parent/child/family/situation is different.  Each person's history/religion/morals are different and, therefore, lead to different parenting decisions.  None of us are exactly the same, and we will never parent in exactly the same way.  Neither is wrong... simply different.  While it's great to look to others for advice, we still must make the hard decisions ourselves.  We must decide what is right for our children and still find a way to respect the opinions of others.  Perfect parents don't exist.  The best we can hope for is to not screw them up too badly along the way :)