Now what?!?

A full 11 days after completing the Cleveland Marathon, I finally feel like my body is starting to piece itself back together.  Most of my body seemed to recover fairly quickly, but a problem with my right hip has persistently irritated me and, after walking with a limp for the last week and a half, I'm finding it difficult to walk like a normal human being again.  I constantly have to remind myself that the pain is subsiding and it's time to stop pretending I'm some kind of gangster... which is simply not cute in high heels.

So, here I am... trying to figure out what in the world to do next.  After promising all kinds of bigger and better things to come, I figure it's about time to start sorting out what the heck that might be.  So I started to think about making an official list... something to post right here for all the world (or at least for the 6 people that actually follow this blog) to see.  But the fact remains that I'm simply afraid to write it down where others can see it, and keep track of it, and know whether I'm truly following through on all of this crap or if I'm just really good at talking about it.  Then again, I should probably be concerned about anyone that's keeping track of me that closely.  *To any potential stalkers out there, please know that I reserve the right, at any time, to make revisions, additions and deletions to this list (which, in turn, gives me an out when it comes to actually following through on any of this stuff... too chicken? just delete it! I didn't really want to [fill in bucket list item here] in the first place).*

... I digress...

While the accomplishment of one goal has certainly encouraged the setting of new ones, I realize that the newness of it is beginning to wear off.  I'm still as proud as I ever was, but as the excitement of it all dies down, I fear I might lose my nerve... so I'm actually making a list... I'm writing it down... Here goes nothing... 

Run a marathon

Get more involved with a charity

Learn kickboxing

Write a book

Run my own business

Travel to Europe

Skydive

Start a vegetable garden

Get out of debt

Take a cooking class

Take dance lessons

My husband and I are big fans of adding completed items to a list so that, at first glance, it appears we're way ahead of the game.  However, in this particular situation, I feel no guilt over including an already accomplished goal... it is, after all, the reason I'm here in the first place.  I consider it a huge step in the right direction that I haven't added things like "clean the spare room" or "buy new bedroom curtains"... both items I could immediately cross off as completed.  I figure those don't exactly qualify as bucket list items.  I'll make an effort to keep my 'honey do' list separate.

So there you have it... just a few things I have planned for my future.  And if all of that doesn't sound exciting enough for you, please keep in mind that it is my intention to make far more additions than deletions.  Someday this will be a list of all of the things I've accomplished... my greatest memories and most wonderful stories to share... and I want that list to be a heck of a lot longer than this one :)

I DID IT!

While I would have liked to post sooner about my marathon run, I realized I needed a few days to properly reflect on my experience (at least something beyond: "I'll never do that again")... plus it took a full 48 hours of recovery time for me to be willing to sit in this wooden desk chair long enough to type anything of substance.

First and foremost, I still stand by my initial thought... I have no intention of ever running another marathon.  Of course, I can't really say that with absolute certainty... maybe someday I'll decide that I want to improve upon my time, try to qualify for Boston or even take a different approach to the whole thing (it could be fun to run the whole marathon with the sole purpose of taking photos from the perspective of the runner... being surrounded by 20,000+ people, the spectators, the signs, the amazing scenery...)  But, at this point, if I were the betting type, I would put my money on never repeating this kind of thing again.

But before anyone makes any assumptions about why I don't plan to run another marathon, it's important to know why I wanted to run one in the first place.  This whole thing came about because I wanted to be a better person... a better wife, mother, friend, employee...  I found my life had little direction.  I had no goals, no hobbies, and nothing that excited me.  Don't get me wrong... I was enjoying my life immensely.  I have a wonderful family, a great job and amazing friends... but I wasn't really doing anything.  I was simply watching life go by and enjoying the scenery.  I realized that if I was going to truly live this one life I'd been given, I was going to have to do more than enjoy the ride... I needed to be the one driving the train. 

So, I started by reading.  That part was easy - it was something I already loved to do.  But rather than reading about the fictional lives of fictional people, I decided to try to learn more about real things and actual people... and maybe learn something new about myself in the process.  I looked for topics I didn't know much about and found that, while I may not have any interest in politics or sports, I can still enjoy the process of learning something new about them. 

It was actually a sports-related book that got me thinking about my own goals and dreams.  My husband had recommended I read Winning Every Day by Lou Holtz.  While the author is a football coach and made several references to games and athletes throughout his career, I still found the book to be incredibly inspiring.  At Coach Holtz's urging, I went about making my own bucket list.  In creating that list, I realized I had quite a few things that I wanted to do... and no discernible reason not to get started.  Number one on my list was to run a marathon... so after 12 years of laziness, it was time to get off the couch and start running again...

This process was a long one and started last summer with just a few miles a week.  I knew it was going to take a lot of work and determination, but I also knew that no one was going to achieve this goal for me.  For the first time in a very long time I had something I was going to work for and I couldn't wait to check my first major goal off my list.

So, now, here I am, having completed a full marathon, reflecting on all of that work and the experience I've had and I'm struck by so many different things.  First, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.  It required a lot of time in the months leading up to the race and a whole lot of determination to stick with it.  There were injuries and frustrations along the way.   And race day was grueling... with temps in the 80s and a few difficult hills along the course, I had a rough go of it.  The first half actually seemed fairly easy and I definitely overdid it when it came to my pace.  I struggled with the idea of slowing down when I was feeling that strong.  This, of course, was silly... I had a long way to go and definitely should have gone slower.  Unfortunately, I couldn't keep that pace for the second half.  That being said, I have no regrets about how I ran it.  Sure, I could have made better decisions along the way, but this was a learning experience for me.  Other first time marathoners view it as a learning experience for future races... I simply think of it as a learning experience for future life experiences.  It was difficult... and I still managed to make it.  When all was said and done, I still crossed the finish line.  Bucket list item #1: Run a marathon... Check!  And putting that pink 26.2 sticker on my car was most definitely a proud moment and worth every ounce of energy that went into earning it.

Officially a marathoner!!!

And now for the contradictory part... this was also one of the easiest things I've ever done.  Not physically, by any means... but mentally.  Even at the most difficult points of the race, it never crossed my mind to quit.  For the first time in my life I set my mind to something, worked hard for it and accomplished a goal... a big one.  At the age of 31, I think I've finally got it figured out... not the meaning of life or anything quite so grandiose... but the simple concept of wanting something, working hard for it and getting it.  This was a wonderful goal for me and I really did enjoy every step of the process when it came to achieving it... even the really hard parts.  So, I have to wonder... what else can I do?  What else can I achieve during this life?  What can I set my mind to next?  The fun part at this point is that I have no idea... but I can't wait to figure it out.

So, no... I do not plan to run another marathon.  But I do plan to set a new goal... something fun, something big and something I can enjoy just as much as I enjoyed this.  I learned so much about myself on Sunday and couldn't be more proud of my accomplishment.  And I look forward to discovering what I accomplish next.

So, here's the breakdown of the official results from the Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon:

Erin Mathews (bib #695)

Avon, OH, USA

Age: 31 Gender: F

Distance	MAR
Clock Time	04:18:38
Chip Time	04:15:19*
Overall Place	953 / 14757
Gender Place	255 / 8311
Division Place	63 / 1498
Pace	0:09:44.
Split10K	00:53:06
Half	01:52:37
Split31K	02:53:59

*4:10:31 according to my watch - I actually stopped it for restroom breaks - which doesn't make it official or anything... I'm just sayin' :)

As far as the race itself, I can't say enough about the volunteers and spectators along the course.  Obviously, the water stops were a necessity... especially on a day like that.  But the spectators made the race so much fun.  Some people got incredibly creative with their signs!  I couldn't believe that, after running for 3+ hours, a sign could still make me smile.  But they did.  Some of my favorites: "That shirt makes your butt look fast", "You look so skinny", "You have a great endurance... call me"... and one of my absolute favorites...

Photo by Ryan Haidet, WKYC-TV

A very special thank you to the woman who rode her bike to a couple different spots along the course and put out signs on dry erase boards... the constant reminders of why I was running in the first place were exactly what I needed.  I had reached a point during the second half where I was walking all of the water stops (partly because I absolutely needed to drink as much water as possible and partly because my legs were in desperate need of a break) and those signs reminded me that it was okay to slow down and even walk from time to time.  I was reminded that I didn't need to finish in a certain time... all I needed to do was finish.  I realized that, no matter what happened, as long as I got myself across that finish line, I would have nothing to be ashamed of.  The statistic that less than 1% of Americans will ever run a marathon was always just a statistic... probably because I was still in that 99%.  But, having now become a part of that 1%... that statistic makes me feel pretty amazing... and I'll quote it every chance I get.  I don't know who you were there supporting, but you had a huge impact on my marathon experience and I can't thank you enough for that!

And to all of you wonderful people spending your hard earned money on what is likely to be a rather large water bill... you were also a huge help!  Not only did I find great relief from the heat in being sprayed with water, but for one small moment I believe it made us all feel a bit child-like... running through the sprinklers like we did when we were kids.  I'm sure there were many of us that would have loved to stick around to frolic in the water for the rest of the afternoon... but we had a finish line to get to :)

And, of course, the biggest thanks of all...  To my husband & race photographer: you were there for the whole thing... from the creating of the bucket list to crossing the finish line.  None of this would have been possible without you.  To Bob, Rachel, Michael, Michelle, Kevin, Melissa, Kiki & Coop... you have no idea how great it was to have my very own fans at the race.  From the starting line to the finish, your friendly faces throughout the course helped me through and I can't tell you enough how grateful I am for your support.  And to everyone else who helped me along the way... from the encouraging words and advice of fellow runners to the support of my family, friends and co-workers.  You've made this experience an enjoyable one and I can only hope to one day repay the favor.

Coming in for a big finish... waving to my fans... and somehow still running :)

All in all, I had an amazing experience!  Yes, it was hot and, yes, it was hard... but it was so worth it.  And running this marathon made me realize one other very important thing... runners are freakin' crazy!  And I've never been more proud to be one!

Day 138 (5/17): 3 miles / 25:18

So it's my last training run before the marathon and it felt better than I'd expected.  I've really been showing my hamstrings a lot of love this week and it's clearly paid off.  Between all of the stretching and my new favorite product (Biofreeze is pretty awesome stuff), I feel like I'm almost back to normal.  I don't doubt my leg will bother me at some point during the marathon, but at least it'll feel good at the starting line... and hopefully for at least a few miles after that :)

As far as my time is concerned (an 8:26 pace), I was shooting for faster than marathon pace... again, I'm just trying to trick my body into thinking my pace for the marathon is easy :)  Hopefully this tactic pays off... but I'm fairly certain nothing about the marathon will be 'easy'

That being said, I can't freakin' wait until Sunday! 

Whenever I get nervous about some part of the race, I try to think of something equally as exciting... i.e. "Holy crap, I'm going to be crammed into the starting area with a crowd of 14,000 people"... which turns into... "Holy crap, I'm going to be surrounded at the starting line by 14,000 people who I get to share this amazing experience with" or "OMG, what was I thinking? I can't believe I'm going to run 26.2 miles!"... which becomes... "How awesome am I?  I'm about to run 26.2 miles!"  It's all a matter of perspective.

And whenever I think about the toll this whole thing will take on my body... the pain I know I will have to endure during some part (or all) of the race... and the exhaustion that is sure to follow its conclusion... I try to remind myself that you never know what you're capable of until you push yourself to your limit.  And I intend to do just that on Sunday.  I'm treating this as a once in a lifetime opportunity and I fully intend to give it all I've got.

"You have exactly one life in which to do everything you'll ever do.  Act accordingly." - Colin Wright

I don't have a clue who this Colin Wright fellow is, but I like him :)

Day 137 (5/16): 1 mile / 9:01

The perfect 'take it easy' day...

All I wanted to do was get in a quick run to warm up the muscles so I could spend some more time stretching the hamstring.  And it worked out perfectly.  I'm feeling better than I have in weeks and have a good feeling about the progress I'll see over the next few days.  I can't wait for Sunday!!!

Oh, and it was nice to be done running in less than 10 minutes... I'd gotten used to having to set aside a few hours for my workout... it was a nice change of pace :)

Day 136 (5/14): 5 miles / 41:01

After too many days of rest and not enough results, I decided today was the day to find out if pushing through the pain was the way to go.  Regardless of what happens, I am definitely running the marathon on Sunday, but at this point I need to know what I'm up against.

Even though my longest scheduled run this week is 4 miles, I decided that I missed enough runs in the last few weeks to justify a slightly longer distance today.  I don't want to overdo it, but I wanted to get in the longest run possible and didn't want to do it too close to race day.  Plus, I really wanted to get in one more run at faster than marathon pace... trying to trick myself into believing that anything slower will be easy :)

Before heading out for my run, I decided I would try a few things to see if anything might help alleviate the discomfort in my leg.  I took a few ibuprofen, covered my ailing area in Biofreeze gel (similar to Icy Hot, but it stays cool), got in a really good stretch and even convinced my husband to massage my leg to try to work out some of the kinks (massaging your own leg is complicated and not exactly thorough).  While I'm not sure which ones worked best, I'm thinking I may repeat all of them on race day because I left the house feeling better than I had in some time... and I couldn't wait to see how running felt.

Unfortunately there are still a few issues to deal with... there's definitely some tightness and I'm still a little sore... but all in all, I felt really good.  And while I didn't need to push myself quite as hard as I did, I knew in the back of my mind that, if it felt difficult but wasn't particularly fast, I would be concerned about how to pace myself on Sunday.  I was pleasantly surprised that my pace ended up at 8:12... because I know that's far faster than I intend to run on Sunday and I want Sunday's pace to feel comfortable.  And I'm feeling pretty good about my chances. 

For now, it's time for ice, heat, stretching and more Biofreeze before bed... and maybe a bowl of ice cream, too! :)

the random thoughts of a marathoner-in-training

Only 6 days until the marathon...

I suddenly can't sleep (not that my son is helping much in that department).  3:30 a.m. has turned into a quite time of reflection, followed at 4:00 a.m. by an early morning wake up call from the baby monitor... I can live with the insomnia, but prefer to pass on the rest.

No trouble eating though... In fact, I'm kind of pretending that I need to pack on a few extra pounds before the big day so as not to feel quite so guilty about the calories I'm consuming... I guess I'm officially a nervous eater.

I've gone from counting weeks to counting days... this fact scares the crap out of me!

Am I at all prepared for this?!?  How was I so confident until just now?  Where did that confidence go?  Did it simply walk away along with my ability to sleep?  I'm missing them both desperately.

Did I push myself too hard?  My leg seems to think so.  Then again, maybe I'm just being a pansy ass.  How can I know for sure? 

Why am I already concerned about how I'll feel after crossing the finish line?  I haven't even gotten to the starting line yet!  The problem is that I've read and heard stories about people suffering some sort of depression after a big race... it's the conclusion to all of that hard work and training with nothing big planned to follow it up with.  I find myself wanting a new project to immediately work on afterward so that I can avoid such nonsense... I'd like to believe I could just enjoy the downtime... this insanity is stressing me out.

I suddenly have a craving for chocolate...

Deep breaths, Erin... out with the bad, in with the good...

Okay, here goes nothing... I'm running this marathon because it's something I've always wanted to do.  Sometimes I forgot what my goals were... I got lazy and stopped caring about important things.  Then all of those important things came back to me.  It was a slow process (much like training), but one that was worth every step of the way.  I've learned all kinds of wonderful things about myself... including the fact that I'm a bad ass who can run 20 miles.  I've learned how important my family is... both the one I was born into and the one I've chosen.  My husband and my son... my biggest fans... they're more than I could ever have dreamed of.  My abilities are many, my downfalls few.  Sure, I have flaws, but those who love me don't give a damn about any of them... so neither do I.  I've learned that I'm strong and capable of far more than I ever thought possible.  I'm running this marathon for one simple reason... because I can.  This is something I know.  The scary part is that it's time to prove it...

but I'm ready...

Day 135 (5/10): ??? / 15:32

I'm not sure how I feel about this run... I'm glad I got it in and didn't take the entire week off... then again, I didn't feel great (thus the reason it was so short), which was a little discouraging.  With a week of vacation in Orlando, we've spent a ton of time walking, which I initially thought would be good for me.  But, with the persistent discomfort in my leg, I'm wondering if truly taking some time off would have been better.  Either way, I'm running out of recovery days quickly and desperately want to feel good on marathon day.  Of course, it's a little too late for second guessing my decisions (not to mention the fact that I wouldn't have skipped out on any part of the amazing time I've had with my family in Walt Disney World).  The truth is, I don't need to feel great for the marathon... I'll settle for feeling good :)  And with only 10 days to go, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for that possibility.  If all else fails, I'll settle for mediocre... because I'm running this marathon come hell or high water...

Day 134 (5/5): 1.5 miles / 14:25

Grrr... talk about frustrating...

I was really hoping to get in a good long run today, but my body had other plans.  I felt like I'd done myself some good last night with my short workout, but it would appear that was not the case.  No doubt my muscles felt much better and, when I woke up, I thought I was good to go.  But the more I moved around and tried to stretch, the more I realized how uncomfortable I was.  The main issue seems to be in my hip, but I can't figure out how best to work it out.  Most things I do are on the verge of feeling painful and, call me crazy, but I usually try to avoid that sort of thing :)

So I gave myself a mile to decide whether I would push through it or call it a day.  I changed my mind several times along the way, but, in the end, the decision to take it easy won out.  The one good thing about the timing of this injury is that this will be a particularly easy week to take some time off... plus I can kid myself into believing that I'm 'cross training' while I'm in the pool :)  The bad part, of course, is that we're only 2 weeks away from marathon day and I have no idea how long it will take me to bounce back.  At this point, I've determined that, pretty much no matter what happens, I'll be lining up at the starting line on marathon day.  But I'm definitely hoping to feel good enough to actually finish it too.

Day 133 (5/4): 2 miles / ???

All of my body parts feel out of whack this week.  I assume Sunday's long run was a little more than my body was prepared for and it's just not bouncing back as quick as it usually does.  I decided to take it a little easy this week to give my body the extra time it needed... and I felt a lot less guilty about it since this is the time to start cutting back on the miles anyway.

This week's long run (12 miles) is scheduled for Saturday (because I'm determined to fit it in before leaving for vacation... not feeling particularly optimistic about getting in all of my workouts in Orlando), but after a few extra days off, I didn't want to jump right into a long run.  So, today's 2 miles was really just to try to loosen everything up a bit.  I also opted to not bother with a watch... something I never do.  I'm sad to say, it was a pretty uncomfortable 2 miles and, while I have no idea what kind of pace I was running, it seemed awfully slow, so I was relieved I hadn't bothered with the watch... no need to get down about something that I shouldn't let bother me in the first place.  Nevertheless, when all was said and done, I do feel like it did me some good and, while I'm not sure how 12 miles will feel tomorrow morning, I am slightly more optimistic than I was earlier today.  In the meantime, I think I'll spend a little time with my ice packs and heating pad and hope for a good night's sleep... right after packing my suitcase, of course :)

Day 132 (5/1): 5 miles / 42:39

This run was actually a little tougher than I anticipated.  After 20 miles on Sunday, I expected 5 to feel easy.  Guess my still-aching muscles didn't get the memo.

All in all, it was not a bad run... but it did take some time to work out the kinks.  I took the first mile pretty easy (9:00), then tried to pick up my speed.  Miles 2 through 5 averaged an 8:25 pace, which I'm pretty happy with at this point... especially considering how sore I still am from Sunday.  Unlike my usual workouts, I allowed myself a half mile cool down - some walking, some jogging, which felt really good.  I might have to do that more often.

Other than that, I did have to battle a little bit of rain, but I've decided that I need to run in the rain as often as possible between now and marathon day.  There's no telling what the weather will be like on May 20th, so I'd better be prepared for whatever Mother Nature throws at me.