the random thoughts of a marathoner-in-training

Only 6 days until the marathon...

I suddenly can't sleep (not that my son is helping much in that department).  3:30 a.m. has turned into a quite time of reflection, followed at 4:00 a.m. by an early morning wake up call from the baby monitor... I can live with the insomnia, but prefer to pass on the rest.

No trouble eating though... In fact, I'm kind of pretending that I need to pack on a few extra pounds before the big day so as not to feel quite so guilty about the calories I'm consuming... I guess I'm officially a nervous eater.

I've gone from counting weeks to counting days... this fact scares the crap out of me!

Am I at all prepared for this?!?  How was I so confident until just now?  Where did that confidence go?  Did it simply walk away along with my ability to sleep?  I'm missing them both desperately.

Did I push myself too hard?  My leg seems to think so.  Then again, maybe I'm just being a pansy ass.  How can I know for sure? 

Why am I already concerned about how I'll feel after crossing the finish line?  I haven't even gotten to the starting line yet!  The problem is that I've read and heard stories about people suffering some sort of depression after a big race... it's the conclusion to all of that hard work and training with nothing big planned to follow it up with.  I find myself wanting a new project to immediately work on afterward so that I can avoid such nonsense... I'd like to believe I could just enjoy the downtime... this insanity is stressing me out.

I suddenly have a craving for chocolate...

Deep breaths, Erin... out with the bad, in with the good...

Okay, here goes nothing... I'm running this marathon because it's something I've always wanted to do.  Sometimes I forgot what my goals were... I got lazy and stopped caring about important things.  Then all of those important things came back to me.  It was a slow process (much like training), but one that was worth every step of the way.  I've learned all kinds of wonderful things about myself... including the fact that I'm a bad ass who can run 20 miles.  I've learned how important my family is... both the one I was born into and the one I've chosen.  My husband and my son... my biggest fans... they're more than I could ever have dreamed of.  My abilities are many, my downfalls few.  Sure, I have flaws, but those who love me don't give a damn about any of them... so neither do I.  I've learned that I'm strong and capable of far more than I ever thought possible.  I'm running this marathon for one simple reason... because I can.  This is something I know.  The scary part is that it's time to prove it...

but I'm ready...